Taking a Giant Leap into Your Dreams

Back in 2004 I ended my first serious relationship. We had been together since we were 17 years old, just kids really and had wanted to grow up too quickly. We got engaged at 19 and then as we began the road into adulthood, the cracks in our relationship started to show and the differences between our desires became too visible. So 5 years on I decided to take my path alone. It was a very scary experience for me. This human being had become my family and life without him seemed daunting.

A co-worker at the time stepped in and offered me a book to read called 'Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway' by Susan Jeffers (Thank you Susan, you changed my life to the point of no return!). I willingly accepted. This book was my introduction to self-help and opened up a whole new world for me. I really did not know that I had so much power to change my own life.

In 2007, whilst on a date with an interesting young entreprener who was collecting properties in London, I was introduced to the world of Tony Robbins through the guy I was dating. After reading a couple of books written by Tony, I signed myself up to a 4 day event called UPW (Unleash the Power Within) hosted by Tony himself. I remember the ticket, which was in the cheap seat section by the way, costing me £400. This was for a full 4 days, attending 12-16 hours per day. I thought it was real value for money! 

However, when I shared the news with friends and colleagues of mine at the time, a number of people remarked "what are you wasting your money for?" or "these things are a scam!". Erm, excuse me? I felt gutted to hear such responses. I was single and living in London. No-one was queueing up to join me on holiday, so this was my treat to myself. Others in your life often don't want you to change, so they say things that are likely to hold you back. Does this sound familiar? They don't want what is best for you, but what is best for both themselves and their relationship with you. And most of the time they're not aware that instead of protectng your relationship with them, their lack of support is actually causing damage.

I got so much out of attending the UPW event. I lived through 4 days of high fiving strangers, dancing, singing, goal setting and stepping complety out of my comfort zone. Admittedly it felt a little cult like, but that didn't matter. In fact it was comforting. I was in a room with 12,000 others who just like me, were looking for growth and to make their lives better.

After attending that event I signed myself up to study a part-time psychology degree and 9 months later I left the country to live in the sun. I'm still living in the sun and I haven't looked back. And in 2013 after 7 years of part-time study whilst also holding down a full-time job, I completed my psychology degree.

After having started my degree, I often contemplated over what I would do with it, if anything. Why did I choose to study psychology in the first place? The assumption is often made that anyone wanting to study psychology must have a lot of issues to resolve. Now, I won't deny that relations with every family member isn't perfect and there are things that I wish hadn't happened or had happened differently. Neither will I deny that I did come across a few people through my studies that certainly did study psychology for this reason and may I add, probably for the better of the public! But, I didn't ever feel like this was my reason.

As I was approaching the end of my studies, I pondered some more as to what I would do next. Had I been sweating the books for the last 7 years for any particular reason? And eventually I had a 'lightbulb' moment. Of course, what I really wanted was to share with others the learning and growing I had achieved myself. So I decided I wanted to follow the path of Tony Robbins and practise NLP = Neuro-Linguistic-Programming.

I attended a 2 day event that introduced me to a number of courses available to me and a coaching model used by the academy. I left the event motivated and I was later called for a follow-up session to see what I had thought about the event and if I would like to register for one of the courses. My answer was... "not right now". Can you believe it? After all of this hard work, all of a sudden I wasn't interested. What had happened? 

Well, as I said, it was towards the end of my degree that I was looking into it. So I still had some work to do and the thought of starting another course at the same time was a bit much. So I will forgive myself there. So what I actually said was 'not right now, but probably later'. Time moved on, I found new excuses to replace my old one and it just didn't happen. I let other interests in my life take priority and had pushed my dream to one side.

Recently, 5 years on, I was thinking about it all over again and wondered why I never did sign up to one of those courses. Why hadn't I followed my dream? As I thought about it, I started to get motivated once more, but something didn't sit right. It dawned on me that all along I was focused on NLP but I wasn't sure this was really an area for me. That was Tony Robbin's thing, but was it really mine? He is a Guru of mine, but that doesn't mean I have to be just like him. I felt as though I was searching for a missing piece in my puzzle.

I thought to myself "why NLP? Surely you want to start with the basics!" And that was it! That was my next light bulb moment. I didn't want to be an NLP coach, I wanted to be a coach. NLP may be a great tool to have later, but right now, I just wanted to start with the basics. And the truth was that it was this uncertainty that had side tracked me for so long. So I browsed the courses once more and there it was; DIPLOMA IN PERSONAL PERFORMANCE. Ding! Yes, please!

I spoke to my husband that night and signed up for the course the next day. I took that Giant Leap into my Dreams!

Does this story bring anything to mind that you know you wanted to do, but have been ignoring? Is fear or uncertainty holding you back? If this rings true for you, question why you are not doing it. What REALLY is it that is stopping you from achieving this goal of yours? I'm sure you have many things that you would like to do. And so I will end this post with an exercise for you to follow so that you too can take that giant leap ito YOUR dreams.

Go get em'

Exercise:

1. Take a blank piece of paper and number 1-10.

2. Make a list of all of the things you would love to do, but haven't, yet. Start with the bigger things and follow with the smaller things. An example of a big thing might be BECOME A COACH, whilst a smaller thing might be GET A DOG or even smller might be PLANT A ROSE BUSH.

3. Now go through your list and prioritise the things you have listed. So the thing that you want to do the most is number 1 and the least important becomes number 10.

4. Now you can make a new list titled 'Goals' that puts the items in order. 

5. Take another look through your list and decide which item would be the easiest to achieve. This goal is going to be the first one that you work on. Because, to have the motivation to achieve your bigger goals, you need to experience how good achievement feels and carry that feeling through with you.

6. Write down step by step how you will achieve this easy goal and be specific as to when you will achieve it. Write down when you will achieve the first step and each step after with a target timescale for when you will have completed the goal.

7. Once you have completed your first goal, you can go back to your Goal's list, strike a line through the goal you have achieved and then go to the top of the list and start working on the goal that is most important to you, one step at a time.

Good Luck!

Overcome Your Anger and Give Me a High Five!

What makes you angry? And I mean really angry! Is it an ex that cheated on you? A sibling? A parent? A friend who you know isn't really a friend? The job that you didn't get because you were too nervous? Being blamed for something that WAS NOT your fault? An event or situation you had to go through alone? A game you lost unfairly? The hairdresser on your wedding day? What else?

Well here is a way to both overcome this anger and get super fit at the same time.  It will have you feeling free from your troubles and free from those extra pounds you've been carrying around.  You will breath better, sleep better and look great.

It's simple:

 Channel your Anger into Exercise

When you're running on the treadmill, think of all of the things that make you angry and use that anger to run a bit faster. When you're spinning on an exercise bike, picture the people that have betrayed you and spin them out of your life.  When you are lifting weights, as you take the strain, visualise pushing your angriest thought into space so that it can't trouble you anymore and let out a big scream as you lift that bar into the sky.

Not a member of a gym?  It doesn't matter!  Sign up!  Or if you can't afford to, go for a run, borrow a bike from a friend and start lifting tins from your kitchen cupboards.  Even get some tape and tape a few tins together.  There are no excuses not to participate.  If you want to be free from the angry monster that lives inside of you, then you must take action.

Exercise done. Feeling better? Yeah! Tempted to punch the sky? Do it! Wanna go round giving everyone a high five? Back at ya!

But then what happens? A few days or a week pass by, the endorphins relax and the buzz wears off. You start thinking about the things that made you angry once more and they start to take over your mind. The feel good factor has worn off and you are angry again.

Now, I know you don't want to be back to feeling angry, so it's important that you are consistant with your actions. Try your best to exercise regularly, 3 times a week or every other day minimum to keep your demons at bay. If you need a few days every off every so often, fine, but don't make the mistake that many do by letting a few days off turn into giving up. 

Each time you exercise, remember to focus on your 'angry thoughts' and channel them into the work you are doing.  Keep thinking about those thoughts every time you work out until they no longer make you angry.  By then, you're going to be so fit and healthy that you won't need your anger to drive you. You will be both strong on the inside and strong on the outside. When you feel good about yourself, it's impossible for other people and situations to bring you down.

Now, stop procrastinating reading my blog, go get fit, overcome your anger and give me a HIGH FIVE!

Don't Rain On My Parade

Visualise a parade in a country that looks like the suburbs of Southern India. You're marching down a dusty road. The sun is shining and the sky is a clear baby blue. There are crowds of people. A big brass band is playing. Everyone is swaying side to side. There are Elephants dressed in brightly coloured silk blankets with tassels hanging from all directions. Everyone is happy, joyful, singing and shouting in praise to the music. The faces of the people in the crowd radiate a cheerful glow.

Everyone is having such a great time.  The music fills their souls with contentment and as they dance, they connect with others around them feeling the same way, smiling at one another. Then, splash! What's that? The crowd look above where they see that out of nowhere a grey cloud has moved in overhead.  At first the splashes of rain are light and only small, so the parade continues. But soon they begin to get heavier and more frequent.  The grey cloud turns darker and darker and begins to rumble with the sound of thunder. Flashes of lightening electrify the sky. Everyone starts running away, abandoning the parade and heading for shelter.

This scenario symbolises how our lives can sometimes be. When you are happy and content but others may not be, they can often represent the grey cloud that comes along and takes away your smile.  You may have had some good news or a bright idea or just be feeling happy because it's Friday.  But when you see your friend or your mum or your boyfriend or girlfriend, they soon say something to bring you down and wipe the smile from your face. Or maybe it is not something someone has said, but some bad news that you hear or something that goes wrong.

You're a strong person, so you can take one negative blow. You can take one grey cloud with light rain.  And so you carry on.  But if you become surrounded by too much negative energy, you keep pessimistic company and too many things go wrong, the sky becomes too dark and the rain falls so hard that you can't see ahead. And so you stop trying to enjoy your life. You stop reaching out, because you don't want to feel that sinking feeling that those in the parade felt when the rain got heavy and so, like them, you feel there is no option but to abandon your plans and find somewhere to hide away from the storm.

It's important to remember that rain is only temporary, no matter how heavy and gloomy it becomes. And so too are your troubles. They will pass like the storm. But there are things that you can do in order to help yourself to both avoid and to deal with the negative energy that comes into your life.

Firstly, you need to do is to think about where the negative energy in your life usually comes from. Is there someone who is always putting you down? Does your job make you miserable? If so, what is it about your job that makes you miserable? Do you like where you live? Could you move house and live somewhere nicer? If you manage the situations that are within your control, then you will find that you cope better with those that are out of your control. 

Once you have identified the areas in your life that need to change in order for your happiness to last, it's time to start taking action. Distance yourself from unsupportive people, move jobs or take the necessary steps to changing your career, decide what your priorities are and work towards making your life as you would want it to be. Stop listening to the opinions of others and focus on what is most important to you.

Live your life to its fullest, dance in the sun and don't let anyone rain on your parade!

You'll Always Be Wherever You Are

Wake up day dreamers! 

Slowly bring yourself round, bring your awareness back to reality and take a look around you.  Do you like what you see?

Whether you were day dreaming or you were fully awake, you've all been there haven't you?  You find yourself in a trance like state thinking about a better life.  What else do you day dream about? Owning that gorgeous convertible sports car?  Being happy?  Looking fabulous?

 

In a day dream, everything appears in bright lights.  Often, you dream about the future and how wonderful it will be.  Once you reach that point where you have quit smoking, stopped drinking so much, regularly exercise, pay more attention to your appearance, buy those trendy clothes, get that fancy haircut.  You'll be on top of the world once you finally train for your dream job and spend your time going on luxurious holidays.

OK, you can get your head back out of the clouds now and come back down to earth.  Here is the truth about your dreams.  Your dreams do exist and they are achievable without a doubt.  That's the good news.  But the reality is that once you achieve them, you will have that great healthy body and the job of your dreams, but the bright lights of your day dreams won't be there.  In reality, you will have all of these wonderful things, but life will still be life.  There will still be bills to pay, the boiler will still go on strike every so often, you will still encounter traffic jams and some days it will still rain.

Please let me be clear, this is not a post to convince you to give up on your dreams.  It is in fact the very opposite.  You should always aim to accomplish every goal and achieve every dream and fulfil every desire that you have.  But the problem that many encounter is mentioned in that last one there, feeling fulfilled. 

Many outstanding people manage to achieve all of the things they want in life.  They don't let fear hold them back.  They reach out and they take all of the things they have always wanted and make them their own.  But then, they look around, life is still life and they feel unfulfilled and unhappy. The reality of having their dreams come true does not feel like the vision that they saw in their day dream.

To feel truly fulfilled, every single achievement must be acknowledged.  They must be celebrated.  And they must not be forgotten.  The smaller things in your life must be recognised and appreciated. The food on your plate, the warmth of your bed, the shelter of your house, the petrol in your tank, the air in your lungs.  There really is so much to be grateful for.

People alive in this century are extremely privileged and live in the best era that humans have ever experienced. So stop making your day dreams the best times of your life and enjoy the present, because you really have so much already.  The present is where you will always be, you'll always be wherever you are.

Let Their Negativity Be Your Determination

Ever had a 'Big Idea' that you've wanted to share with someone? You come along bouncing, all positive and wanting to share your amazing idea and the person you are talking to responds negatively and says something deeply hurtful like "you won't do that" or "you can't do that" or "that's not going to happen!".  It's painful isn't it?!

There is a breed of you out there who choose to live life walking along a path to self-improvement.  You know that you have just one life and you want to make the very most of it.  You know that sometimes you may fail along the way but you are willing to try.  You are always looking to better yourself and you enjoy the journey along the way.

Then there are the others! There is another breed who just don't seem to understand, do they?  They seem to lack the imagination and creativity to consider alternative options to their life.  And they are not very happy when they see others trying to climb higher and be better.  They are not happy because they are living in their comfort zone and they want you too to remain in their comfort zone.  If you choose to do something different and you succeed, then you put everything that they know at risk.  They will have no excuse not to try and better themselves. And they don't want to.

So to try to keep you from leaving 'the comfort zone' this breed of people insult you by making excuses and telling you that what you want to do is not possible.  They do not realise that they are hurting you, they are merely trying to defend the existence that they know and are comfortable with.  I won't say the existence that they love, because most of these people do not love their lives.  They often spend most of their time complaining about their lives, but complain as they may, they are not looking for a way out of it. They are afraid of change.

When faced with this type of scenario you have a choice to make, do you swim or sink, stay or run, fight or flight?  The easy option would be to conform and fit it.  You would join the countless number of people who do nothing to change the things that continuously make them unhappy.  If you join them, then you won't be challenged, you'll keep your ‘not very supportive’ friends and you won't have to face any big hurdles, right? Wrong! If you are of the first breed mentioned, then you do not get a choice.  You are different whether you like it or not.  You could choose to let the negativity of others bring you down and keep you where you are, but you know that this would make you unhappy and you are not someone who is able to just settle with being unhappy for the long term.  At some point you would need to do something about it!

So, what is to be done when faced with a negative that is standing in your way?  Turn it into a positive of course! When people tell you that you cannot do something, you use that very reason to prove to them that you can.  Think of it as an argument and it is necessary for you to take action to prove your point.  Let their disbelief in you, be your belief in yourself.  A time will come down the line when you realise that these people's opinions aren't really that important, but if you let their negativity feed you with determination then you will be grateful that they were so discouraging because without realising, they will have helped you to succeed.

Put Your Good Pants On!

Some days, you wake up and spring out of bed. Your clothes are ironed and your outfit is neatly hanging from your wardrobe, waiting for you to slip it on. You made sure to be organised the night before so that the morning would breeze by without any hiccups. Because you took extra time to plan your outfit, you chose one of your favourite outfits to wear which always makes you feel well dressed. On days like these you put your good pants on.  And to be clear, I'm British, so I'm referring to your underwear!

You eat a yummy, healthy breakfast and then in your own precious time you skip to work. You see that cute guy or girl that works in your office in the lift and they smile at you which makes you blush. The rest of your day goes well. You're organised, you get your work done in a timely manner and have some productive conversations with colleagues. You feel good. You think you might even head to the gym after work. And then finally return the 12 missed phone calls from your Mum! What a great day you have had and you've really made the most of every part of it.

Then there are those other days! The alarm goes off late. You stumble out of bed only to find the cat slept on the pile of ironing, leaving the blouse you had intended to wear all hairy. Yuck! So you throw on any top and trousers you can find and a pair of old pants. You want to save your good pants for better days and nicer outfits. You go to have breakfast and realise you forgot to stock up on breakfast foods when you were in the supermarket last night so you end up rushing out of the door with an empty stomach. 

You get to the train station to find you missed the last fast train and the next train that you can get is not for another hour. Ahh! You finally stroll into work an hour late. Your boss is angry, you missed an important meeting. It is not a good day. You feel terrible. By lunchtime you are starving and fill up on junk food. Then after work you skip the gym and head straight home and slouch yourself in front of the television to procrastinate and feel sorry for yourself. 

Which day would you rather have? It's obvious, isn't it? We can't always predict how well our days will go and the events that will occur. But we do have control over our mood and state of mind and can increase our chances of having a good day by making sure that we are well organised ahead of time. Things may not always go to plan, but you'll feel much better knowing you tried your best. Start every day well and put your good pants on.

Live Each Day As If It Were Your Last

This is a phrase we've all heard before but how many of us actually do this?  My guess is not many.

Do you sit at work watching the clock, waiting for home time?  Or watch your children play, counting the minutes until bedtime?  Do you look forward to the days in your week by thinking about when your favourite television programmes are on? The days disappear, they turn into weeks, then months and then years.  Before you know it you look back at the last few years and everyday has felt very much the same and you have achieved little.  Life is passing you by and you are bored.

STOP!

Take a minute to think about if today was your last day, is there anything that you would regret? Do the people in your life know how you really feel about them?  Are there experiences that you wished you had done?  Are there places you wished you had been to?

Now make yourself a 'Bucket List' of all of the things you want to do and see in your lifetime.  It can be something as small as having a cup of coffee at an intriguing cafe you have passed a thousand times but have never been into.  Or reading a particular book you've often thought about reading but never actually sat down and done it.  Or it can be something huge such as travelling to a country you have always wanted to go to.  Or acting on a business plan you've had in mind for a long while now. Keep your Bucket List with you at all times and continue to add to it every time you come across something else you'd like to do.  Never stop adding to your Bucket List.  Make your Bucket List your life.

The good news is that it's highly likely that today isn't your last day.  So you have no excuse not to start doing the things listed in your Bucket List.  Yay!  We don't know what lay ahead in our future and which day will be our last so it's important that we live in the present.  Enjoy each day for what it is.  Stop procrastinating and letting your life sail away without a destination and start doing something each day from your Bucket List and living each day as if it were your last.

Fear Fuel: Turn Your Dreams into Reality

Is there something you have been wanting to do for a long time?  Maybe you have a number of different goals you'd like to achieve.  Or even bigger than goals, dreams! But you keep putting off doing anything about them and making excuses.  And the reason for that is because the thought of taking action gives you a dreaded feeling deep inside the pit of your stomach, you know, the one that feels like butterflies.  The fear.  Is it fear that is holding you back?

We fear things for different reasons.  Fear of failure, fear of judgement, fear that we might actually succeed and will be completely out of our comfort zone.  Well guess what?  Fear is a good thing!  We fear things that are new to us because we have never done them before.  It's new territory like walking around a neighbourhood that you haven't been to before.  You're not sure where each path will lead to or if you might get lost.  But just because you feel the fear, does not mean you should not take action.  We can only learn and grow as individuals by taking chances, by walking down new avenues.  Let your fear be the fuel for your human vehicle to achieve as much in this lifetime as possible.

You really can make your dreams a reality by tuning into your fear and using it positively.  The next time you think about doing something new and you observe yourself quickly deciding to change your mind because you feel 'the fear', pause for a moment and remember, your fuel has arrived.  Fuel up your vehicle and turn your thoughts into actions.  There are no losers, only participants, there are no failures, only those who choose to try again from a different angle with alternative methods.

Good luck and enjoy your fear fuelled journey!

You are Successful

Success is not merely about status, but also the path we have travelled to get to where we are today

There is a lot of pressure out there to be successful. To feel successful. Men and women alike are competing for the same job roles and income bands. Women are no longer expected to be homemakers but are instead if they should choose to reproduce, they must take the minimal time out of work and get back in line on the career ladder whilst making sure that they are keeping up.

In a relationship whether it is the man or woman who is earning more, there is almost always the presence of pressure on the person earning less or with the least responsibility. Why do we do this to ourselves and each other? Why have we among us created a culture in which we feel so pressurised to follow form and be 'somebody'? Equal rights are a beautiful thing but let's remember how we got here in the first place. Let's go back to basics. We are human beings and the 21st century is far from the way in which our long, long line of ancestors lived.

Let us take a step back. Forgot the pressure, loosen your shoulders and breathe deeply.  Now ask yourself, 'where did I come from?' and be honest with yourself. Did your family struggle for money when you were a child?  Did your parents separate? Were you ever bullied?  Have you been abused in some way? Were or are your parents supportive? Have you had to overcome any addictions? Was finance a problem when it came to education? Did you manage to get educated anyway? If you have answered yes to any one of these questions or you have anything in your past, which most of us do, that has made things more difficult for you, then you are successful.

I don't care if you're an ex alcoholic currently unemployed whilst you focus on recovering from your addiction. You are successful. You overcame your addiction and you will use the skills you have learnt to bring you more success in the future.

The journey's we endure are all so different and some have it so much harder than others. So do not judge one another on one's income or status, but on the obstacles we have each overcome to be the wonderful people we have become.

Congratulations on your success!