Taking a Giant Leap into Your Dreams

Back in 2004 I ended my first serious relationship. We had been together since we were 17 years old, just kids really and had wanted to grow up too quickly. We got engaged at 19 and then as we began the road into adulthood, the cracks in our relationship started to show and the differences between our desires became too visible. So 5 years on I decided to take my path alone. It was a very scary experience for me. This human being had become my family and life without him seemed daunting.

A co-worker at the time stepped in and offered me a book to read called 'Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway' by Susan Jeffers (Thank you Susan, you changed my life to the point of no return!). I willingly accepted. This book was my introduction to self-help and opened up a whole new world for me. I really did not know that I had so much power to change my own life.

In 2007, whilst on a date with an interesting young entreprener who was collecting properties in London, I was introduced to the world of Tony Robbins through the guy I was dating. After reading a couple of books written by Tony, I signed myself up to a 4 day event called UPW (Unleash the Power Within) hosted by Tony himself. I remember the ticket, which was in the cheap seat section by the way, costing me £400. This was for a full 4 days, attending 12-16 hours per day. I thought it was real value for money! 

However, when I shared the news with friends and colleagues of mine at the time, a number of people remarked "what are you wasting your money for?" or "these things are a scam!". Erm, excuse me? I felt gutted to hear such responses. I was single and living in London. No-one was queueing up to join me on holiday, so this was my treat to myself. Others in your life often don't want you to change, so they say things that are likely to hold you back. Does this sound familiar? They don't want what is best for you, but what is best for both themselves and their relationship with you. And most of the time they're not aware that instead of protectng your relationship with them, their lack of support is actually causing damage.

I got so much out of attending the UPW event. I lived through 4 days of high fiving strangers, dancing, singing, goal setting and stepping complety out of my comfort zone. Admittedly it felt a little cult like, but that didn't matter. In fact it was comforting. I was in a room with 12,000 others who just like me, were looking for growth and to make their lives better.

After attending that event I signed myself up to study a part-time psychology degree and 9 months later I left the country to live in the sun. I'm still living in the sun and I haven't looked back. And in 2013 after 7 years of part-time study whilst also holding down a full-time job, I completed my psychology degree.

After having started my degree, I often contemplated over what I would do with it, if anything. Why did I choose to study psychology in the first place? The assumption is often made that anyone wanting to study psychology must have a lot of issues to resolve. Now, I won't deny that relations with every family member isn't perfect and there are things that I wish hadn't happened or had happened differently. Neither will I deny that I did come across a few people through my studies that certainly did study psychology for this reason and may I add, probably for the better of the public! But, I didn't ever feel like this was my reason.

As I was approaching the end of my studies, I pondered some more as to what I would do next. Had I been sweating the books for the last 7 years for any particular reason? And eventually I had a 'lightbulb' moment. Of course, what I really wanted was to share with others the learning and growing I had achieved myself. So I decided I wanted to follow the path of Tony Robbins and practise NLP = Neuro-Linguistic-Programming.

I attended a 2 day event that introduced me to a number of courses available to me and a coaching model used by the academy. I left the event motivated and I was later called for a follow-up session to see what I had thought about the event and if I would like to register for one of the courses. My answer was... "not right now". Can you believe it? After all of this hard work, all of a sudden I wasn't interested. What had happened? 

Well, as I said, it was towards the end of my degree that I was looking into it. So I still had some work to do and the thought of starting another course at the same time was a bit much. So I will forgive myself there. So what I actually said was 'not right now, but probably later'. Time moved on, I found new excuses to replace my old one and it just didn't happen. I let other interests in my life take priority and had pushed my dream to one side.

Recently, 5 years on, I was thinking about it all over again and wondered why I never did sign up to one of those courses. Why hadn't I followed my dream? As I thought about it, I started to get motivated once more, but something didn't sit right. It dawned on me that all along I was focused on NLP but I wasn't sure this was really an area for me. That was Tony Robbin's thing, but was it really mine? He is a Guru of mine, but that doesn't mean I have to be just like him. I felt as though I was searching for a missing piece in my puzzle.

I thought to myself "why NLP? Surely you want to start with the basics!" And that was it! That was my next light bulb moment. I didn't want to be an NLP coach, I wanted to be a coach. NLP may be a great tool to have later, but right now, I just wanted to start with the basics. And the truth was that it was this uncertainty that had side tracked me for so long. So I browsed the courses once more and there it was; DIPLOMA IN PERSONAL PERFORMANCE. Ding! Yes, please!

I spoke to my husband that night and signed up for the course the next day. I took that Giant Leap into my Dreams!

Does this story bring anything to mind that you know you wanted to do, but have been ignoring? Is fear or uncertainty holding you back? If this rings true for you, question why you are not doing it. What REALLY is it that is stopping you from achieving this goal of yours? I'm sure you have many things that you would like to do. And so I will end this post with an exercise for you to follow so that you too can take that giant leap ito YOUR dreams.

Go get em'

Exercise:

1. Take a blank piece of paper and number 1-10.

2. Make a list of all of the things you would love to do, but haven't, yet. Start with the bigger things and follow with the smaller things. An example of a big thing might be BECOME A COACH, whilst a smaller thing might be GET A DOG or even smller might be PLANT A ROSE BUSH.

3. Now go through your list and prioritise the things you have listed. So the thing that you want to do the most is number 1 and the least important becomes number 10.

4. Now you can make a new list titled 'Goals' that puts the items in order. 

5. Take another look through your list and decide which item would be the easiest to achieve. This goal is going to be the first one that you work on. Because, to have the motivation to achieve your bigger goals, you need to experience how good achievement feels and carry that feeling through with you.

6. Write down step by step how you will achieve this easy goal and be specific as to when you will achieve it. Write down when you will achieve the first step and each step after with a target timescale for when you will have completed the goal.

7. Once you have completed your first goal, you can go back to your Goal's list, strike a line through the goal you have achieved and then go to the top of the list and start working on the goal that is most important to you, one step at a time.

Good Luck!

Eggs with Egg-free Mayonnaise

I was sitting at the breakfast table and as I looked down at my plate, it occurred to me how ludicrous the combination on my plate may seem. I was eating eggs, but had specifically chosen to shop for egg-free mayonnaise. The thought tickled me and I felt the need to share and educate on the paradoxical scenario.

My choice to become vegetarian manifested as a result of the growth in my awareness of animal suffering. Whilst I still have doubts about how healthy it might be to consume animal products like dairy and eggs, I do still consume them, however I now pay alot more attention to the products that I purchase and try to do so as ethically as possible. 

I chose to find a local organic farm that let their chicken's run around free range and I visit the farm regularly to stock up on eggs. As I have a child, it's also a great activity to take her along so she can see the animals and learn about life on a farm. The eggs cost just 25 cents each (€) so are very affordable and my family can rest with a clear conscious knowing that the money we pay for those eggs is being used to pay for the organic vegetables that are fed to the chickens who are running around in a natural environment and living a happy life. 

At some point the hens will stop laying eggs and at some point, they may be slaughtered. It doesn't happen to all egg laying chickens, it is a choice made by the farmer. But the important point is that the chickens are not suffering whilst they are here and they are living the life that a chicken was designed to live. 

Most supermarkets stock eggs that come from caged hens or barn hens. A caged hen will spend its whole life in a cage until it stops laying and then it is slaughtered. A barn hen is free from a cage but will likely never see sunshine and will suffer the same fate. And they are fed the cheapest grain available. These hens that live without light and eat bad food then get eaten and digested in the bodies of humans. Did someone mention cancer?

Organic and free-range eggs in supermarkets are usually too expensive to rationalise as being affordable. My advice is to cut out the supermarket giants and go straight to the farmer. It's a beautiful experience and a little less weight on your conscience goes a long way too.

So why then do I choose to buy egg-free mayonnaise? It's because I don't know anything about the eggs that are used in standard mayonnaise but I could almost guarantee that the eggs come from caged hens because caged hens are the cheapest way of keeping hens. With cages, the farmer can stack the caged hens in shelf by shelf all around his barn. And I choose not to support this lifestyle for the hens.

So, there you have it; Eggs with Egg-free Mayonnaise. It's a bizarre combination but an ethical one. Always be aware of the choices that you are making when buying products. We vote with our money and your vote counts!

Learning to Love Yourself

2017 for me is all about finding my zen. 

There have been a number of periods in my life where I have found heart warming happiness and relaxation but it has only ever lasted for a short period of time. Either my situation or circumstances have changed or one negative soul or another has witnessed my positive mood and set out to destroy it.

As the years have passed I have learnt not to let other people's actions or reactions have much of an impact on my well-being. But events are a different matter. Life can get stressful sometimes and it's easy to let one burden after another distract us from the goodness in life. We become fixated on our problems and lose sight of ourselves.

So it's important that we regularly check in with ourselves. We can often spend all of our time looking after others, running errands and working. But we forget to ask ourselves 'Am I okay?'. Or think 'What could I do today to improve myself?'.

I am guilty of frequently putting myself last. My child, my husband, the 2 dogs and the 4 cats will all get their breakfast before I do. I will make appointments for my child, or encourage my husband to go and do his hobbies but I will often make excuses for myself; "I'd love to go on that course but my family needs me" or "I could do with some time out, but it's not fair on my husband when he's been working all week".

Well HELLO 2017, that is all about to change! I am finding my zen and therefore the first step I must take is to Learn to Love myself which includes looking after myself. I invite you to join me!

I am just back from having spent a night away from my family staying at a 5 star hotel.  The hotel was only a 10 minute drive from my house but it did not matter. I felt like I was a million miles away from my everyday routine.

When I got to the hotel, I checked in and settled into my room before heading to the hotel Spa. Having booked myself in for a Full Body Stress Buster Massage, a beautiful and well made-up masseur was waiting to greet me. Yes please! After my massage I took full advantage of the spa facilities, enjoying a swim in the pool, a bit of bubble bonanza in the jacuzzi and some relaxation time in the sauna and steam rooms.

I then headed back to my room for an evening of me. I ran myself a bath and pampered myself with some organic products that I had purchased especially for the evening. I ordered room service, I danced around to music, I ran out onto the terrace in my pajamas to check out the view a few times even though it was pretty cold out there and I read my kindle and read some more. It was great and I felt great. I felt as though I was rediscovering the child within me.

In the morning, I woke up fresh after a good night's sleep in a king size bed that didn't have a hundred cats scattered over it or my husband snoozing next to me. I did some yoga, indulged in the amazing hotel buffet breakfast and then went back to the spa for a Reflexology Massage and a Facial. I then had a shower back in my room and got ready in my own time before meeting my family in the hotel reception.

Reflecting on my night away; I feel far more relaxed, I feel happier, I'm in a better mood around my loved ones and I can actually look in the mirror and like the person staring back at me. I look like I am glowing instead of falling apart. And I certainly feel like I love myself far more than before I left. But, in addition, I have also realised that this is only the beginning. I had thought that one night away would solve everything, however whilst my body and my muscles don't ache as much, they do still ache and whilst I feel relaxed, I could still feel much more relaxed. I need to go much deeper than this to find my zen.

Now, I realise that my trip was rather extravagant and not everyone will have circumstances than will allow them for such a big spend, but there are still plenty of things you can do to allow yourself time for yourself. It may be sending your family out and having a pamper session at home followed by a few circuits around the house twirling to your favorite rock band. Or you could arrange to stay with a friend or relative, a change is as good as a rest. Or even better, house sit for someone! Have them pay you to relax in their house! 

Or maybe you don't have to get away from anyone, maybe loneliness is what you need a break from. In which case, joining a group or workshop might give you the buzz that you desire to make yourself feel good. The solution for you really depends on your own personal situation and needs. Get creative and give yourself a break!

Whatever you decide to do, just make sure that you do, do something for yourself. We all deserve to feel at peace and we all deserve to be rewarded and feel loved. It has to start within ourselves. 

I would love to her about your experiences. Please feel free to comment or contact me on admin@deepyvocal.com

Love Can Heal a Broken Soul

We have a lot of broken animals in our house, rescues.  They have all had a hard start in life.  They were not fortunate enough to have been born to a mother who safely and securely raised them until they were old enough to be homed into a loving family where they would spend the rest of their days. For them, it was more a case of being thrown into the world on fight or flight mode.

From being dumped in a bin as a baby and left to die, to being thrown out of a 6th floor apartment window or merely just being born on the streets with no food or shelter, our furry friends have had a hard time. Most have spent some time in their lives living in a pound where food is rationed, toys are rare and beds are dirty and worn.  Dogs live in cages; Cats live in sheds.  It's a miserable existence.  It's a prison sentence without having committed a crime.

All of these animals have entered our home in a fragile state.  They have needed time, patience, lots of attention and most importantly love in abundance.  We have watched these animals blossom from being weak, afraid and traumatised, into confident, loving creatures in our presence.  They now feel safe and secure and feel a part of a solid pack.

Not everyone can understand why we have so many animals and continue to adopt.  They cannot see the beauty in these creatures that we see.  These animals are broken souls with big soppy eyes, just looking and hoping and praying that someone will open their heart and home to them.  It's so humbling to watch a broken soul become unbroken.  And knowing that soul is healed and fulfilled because you chose to love it.

We didn't choose our bodies and neither did the broken animals.  Help heal the broken souls and choose to love, love, love.

You are Successful

Success is not merely about status, but also the path we have travelled to get to where we are today

There is a lot of pressure out there to be successful. To feel successful. Men and women alike are competing for the same job roles and income bands. Women are no longer expected to be homemakers but are instead if they should choose to reproduce, they must take the minimal time out of work and get back in line on the career ladder whilst making sure that they are keeping up.

In a relationship whether it is the man or woman who is earning more, there is almost always the presence of pressure on the person earning less or with the least responsibility. Why do we do this to ourselves and each other? Why have we among us created a culture in which we feel so pressurised to follow form and be 'somebody'? Equal rights are a beautiful thing but let's remember how we got here in the first place. Let's go back to basics. We are human beings and the 21st century is far from the way in which our long, long line of ancestors lived.

Let us take a step back. Forgot the pressure, loosen your shoulders and breathe deeply.  Now ask yourself, 'where did I come from?' and be honest with yourself. Did your family struggle for money when you were a child?  Did your parents separate? Were you ever bullied?  Have you been abused in some way? Were or are your parents supportive? Have you had to overcome any addictions? Was finance a problem when it came to education? Did you manage to get educated anyway? If you have answered yes to any one of these questions or you have anything in your past, which most of us do, that has made things more difficult for you, then you are successful.

I don't care if you're an ex alcoholic currently unemployed whilst you focus on recovering from your addiction. You are successful. You overcame your addiction and you will use the skills you have learnt to bring you more success in the future.

The journey's we endure are all so different and some have it so much harder than others. So do not judge one another on one's income or status, but on the obstacles we have each overcome to be the wonderful people we have become.

Congratulations on your success!

Turn your Hate into Love

I recently saw these words when I attended a local yoga class:

Live to love, love to serve

What beautiful words I thought, but how is that possible?  Are there people that actually manage to do that?  And so I took the thought and those lovely words with me when I left.

There are a lot of cruel people out there.  Some are mean intentionally, but most don't realise they are doing the things they do.  You see most people are talking in monologues.  It's all about them really.  They will ask  questions and take actions based on their own interests. And when they are unhappy with an outcome they project their insecurities onto the person easiest to do so.  

Let me give you an example to make it clearer:

Kate is going about her day.  She meets with a friend Terri for coffee and a chat.  Kate sits quietly listening to Terri talk about the latest things going on, nods in agreement and smiles politely.  Terri has always been open about everything whereas Kate will tell Terri what she needs to know, but not everything.  In the past Terri has always spoke often about her financial situation.  She has a lot of debts.  She talks about her salary, about how much she pays in rent, about everything to do with her finances.  There really isn't much Terri hasn't informed Kate about when it comes to how much or what little money she has.  

Terri has recently got involved with a new man in her life.  This new man is very private when it comes to financial matters. He discloses nothing to Terri about what he has and what he earns and he has made it clear to her that he is not interested in hearing about her situation.  Money is not one of the reasons why they started dating.  So now Terri is suddenly aware that money is something she 'used to' talk about.

Kate asks Terri "How is it going paying off your debts?  Are they nearly cleared now?".   Terri turns to Kate with an unimpressed look on her face and says "You always want to know about money Kate. It's not something you should talk about, some things are private".

Wooooaaaaahhhhh! Kate wonders where that came from.  So what just happened there?  All of a sudden Terri is aware that she talks too much about something her boyfriend thinks she shouldn't.  And she now feels guilty about having talked so much about money because her new boyfriend has made her feel like she did something wrong.

Kate would not normally bring up the topic of money, but she knows that with Terri it is something she often talks about so Terri has created an environment for Kate where it should be OK for Kate to ask such a question.  All Kate is really doing is showing her concern.  But instead, now Kate is feeling bad.  She is feeling bad about discussing a topic she knows outside of her environment with Terri, she would not normally talk about.  So what happened?  Terri feels guilty about the money topic as a result of her new boyfriend's attitude about the matter.  She has then projected her feelings of guilt onto Kate.  Terri feels better for viewing Kate as the problem, only temporarily however, whilst Kate now feels guilty due to Terri's reaction.

In a scenario such as this, and let's be honest, this type of thing happens all the time, everyday with different people on different topics, how do you find the strength to love?  Right now Kate feels a lot of anger towards Terri because she knows this is not right and Terri is in the wrong but she believes Terri cannot see the truth and therefore Kate continues to carry Terri's guilt.

Kate needs to take a step back, take a deep breath and let it go.  She needs to consciously be aware of letting it go.  She needs to take those feelings of anger and  turn them into pity and through pity, into love.  Kate needs to be the bigger person.  She knows she is not in the wrong here.  She needs to go with that intuition and stand tall, and just love.  Love that she is not Terri, love that she can see clearer than Terri, love that Terri is still Terri and Kate does love Terri.

Whether Terri has become toxic in Kate's life is a question that Kate needs to answer and if the answer is 'yes' then she needs to let Terri go.  By letting Terri go, Kate will be showing true love to both herself and Terri, for it serves neither of them any purpose to be in a relationship that is unhealthy.  It is still possible to love a person, even when they are no longer actively in your life.

Living to love, includes loving yourself and doing what is right for yourself.  This may sometimes include eliminating unhealthy friendships.  Toxic people are one of the most common problems that make people miserable.  Keeping these people in your life will likely lead you to hold a lot of hatred and resentment towards that person in your heart.

Once we have taken care of ourselves, we are then able to pass on our love to others and serve their needs.

Live to love, love to serve, turn your hate into love and set yourself free.