Turn your Hate into Love

I recently saw these words when I attended a local yoga class:

Live to love, love to serve

What beautiful words I thought, but how is that possible?  Are there people that actually manage to do that?  And so I took the thought and those lovely words with me when I left.

There are a lot of cruel people out there.  Some are mean intentionally, but most don't realise they are doing the things they do.  You see most people are talking in monologues.  It's all about them really.  They will ask  questions and take actions based on their own interests. And when they are unhappy with an outcome they project their insecurities onto the person easiest to do so.  

Let me give you an example to make it clearer:

Kate is going about her day.  She meets with a friend Terri for coffee and a chat.  Kate sits quietly listening to Terri talk about the latest things going on, nods in agreement and smiles politely.  Terri has always been open about everything whereas Kate will tell Terri what she needs to know, but not everything.  In the past Terri has always spoke often about her financial situation.  She has a lot of debts.  She talks about her salary, about how much she pays in rent, about everything to do with her finances.  There really isn't much Terri hasn't informed Kate about when it comes to how much or what little money she has.  

Terri has recently got involved with a new man in her life.  This new man is very private when it comes to financial matters. He discloses nothing to Terri about what he has and what he earns and he has made it clear to her that he is not interested in hearing about her situation.  Money is not one of the reasons why they started dating.  So now Terri is suddenly aware that money is something she 'used to' talk about.

Kate asks Terri "How is it going paying off your debts?  Are they nearly cleared now?".   Terri turns to Kate with an unimpressed look on her face and says "You always want to know about money Kate. It's not something you should talk about, some things are private".

Wooooaaaaahhhhh! Kate wonders where that came from.  So what just happened there?  All of a sudden Terri is aware that she talks too much about something her boyfriend thinks she shouldn't.  And she now feels guilty about having talked so much about money because her new boyfriend has made her feel like she did something wrong.

Kate would not normally bring up the topic of money, but she knows that with Terri it is something she often talks about so Terri has created an environment for Kate where it should be OK for Kate to ask such a question.  All Kate is really doing is showing her concern.  But instead, now Kate is feeling bad.  She is feeling bad about discussing a topic she knows outside of her environment with Terri, she would not normally talk about.  So what happened?  Terri feels guilty about the money topic as a result of her new boyfriend's attitude about the matter.  She has then projected her feelings of guilt onto Kate.  Terri feels better for viewing Kate as the problem, only temporarily however, whilst Kate now feels guilty due to Terri's reaction.

In a scenario such as this, and let's be honest, this type of thing happens all the time, everyday with different people on different topics, how do you find the strength to love?  Right now Kate feels a lot of anger towards Terri because she knows this is not right and Terri is in the wrong but she believes Terri cannot see the truth and therefore Kate continues to carry Terri's guilt.

Kate needs to take a step back, take a deep breath and let it go.  She needs to consciously be aware of letting it go.  She needs to take those feelings of anger and  turn them into pity and through pity, into love.  Kate needs to be the bigger person.  She knows she is not in the wrong here.  She needs to go with that intuition and stand tall, and just love.  Love that she is not Terri, love that she can see clearer than Terri, love that Terri is still Terri and Kate does love Terri.

Whether Terri has become toxic in Kate's life is a question that Kate needs to answer and if the answer is 'yes' then she needs to let Terri go.  By letting Terri go, Kate will be showing true love to both herself and Terri, for it serves neither of them any purpose to be in a relationship that is unhealthy.  It is still possible to love a person, even when they are no longer actively in your life.

Living to love, includes loving yourself and doing what is right for yourself.  This may sometimes include eliminating unhealthy friendships.  Toxic people are one of the most common problems that make people miserable.  Keeping these people in your life will likely lead you to hold a lot of hatred and resentment towards that person in your heart.

Once we have taken care of ourselves, we are then able to pass on our love to others and serve their needs.

Live to love, love to serve, turn your hate into love and set yourself free.