Taking a Giant Leap into Your Dreams

Back in 2004 I ended my first serious relationship. We had been together since we were 17 years old, just kids really and had wanted to grow up too quickly. We got engaged at 19 and then as we began the road into adulthood, the cracks in our relationship started to show and the differences between our desires became too visible. So 5 years on I decided to take my path alone. It was a very scary experience for me. This human being had become my family and life without him seemed daunting.

A co-worker at the time stepped in and offered me a book to read called 'Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway' by Susan Jeffers (Thank you Susan, you changed my life to the point of no return!). I willingly accepted. This book was my introduction to self-help and opened up a whole new world for me. I really did not know that I had so much power to change my own life.

In 2007, whilst on a date with an interesting young entreprener who was collecting properties in London, I was introduced to the world of Tony Robbins through the guy I was dating. After reading a couple of books written by Tony, I signed myself up to a 4 day event called UPW (Unleash the Power Within) hosted by Tony himself. I remember the ticket, which was in the cheap seat section by the way, costing me £400. This was for a full 4 days, attending 12-16 hours per day. I thought it was real value for money! 

However, when I shared the news with friends and colleagues of mine at the time, a number of people remarked "what are you wasting your money for?" or "these things are a scam!". Erm, excuse me? I felt gutted to hear such responses. I was single and living in London. No-one was queueing up to join me on holiday, so this was my treat to myself. Others in your life often don't want you to change, so they say things that are likely to hold you back. Does this sound familiar? They don't want what is best for you, but what is best for both themselves and their relationship with you. And most of the time they're not aware that instead of protectng your relationship with them, their lack of support is actually causing damage.

I got so much out of attending the UPW event. I lived through 4 days of high fiving strangers, dancing, singing, goal setting and stepping complety out of my comfort zone. Admittedly it felt a little cult like, but that didn't matter. In fact it was comforting. I was in a room with 12,000 others who just like me, were looking for growth and to make their lives better.

After attending that event I signed myself up to study a part-time psychology degree and 9 months later I left the country to live in the sun. I'm still living in the sun and I haven't looked back. And in 2013 after 7 years of part-time study whilst also holding down a full-time job, I completed my psychology degree.

After having started my degree, I often contemplated over what I would do with it, if anything. Why did I choose to study psychology in the first place? The assumption is often made that anyone wanting to study psychology must have a lot of issues to resolve. Now, I won't deny that relations with every family member isn't perfect and there are things that I wish hadn't happened or had happened differently. Neither will I deny that I did come across a few people through my studies that certainly did study psychology for this reason and may I add, probably for the better of the public! But, I didn't ever feel like this was my reason.

As I was approaching the end of my studies, I pondered some more as to what I would do next. Had I been sweating the books for the last 7 years for any particular reason? And eventually I had a 'lightbulb' moment. Of course, what I really wanted was to share with others the learning and growing I had achieved myself. So I decided I wanted to follow the path of Tony Robbins and practise NLP = Neuro-Linguistic-Programming.

I attended a 2 day event that introduced me to a number of courses available to me and a coaching model used by the academy. I left the event motivated and I was later called for a follow-up session to see what I had thought about the event and if I would like to register for one of the courses. My answer was... "not right now". Can you believe it? After all of this hard work, all of a sudden I wasn't interested. What had happened? 

Well, as I said, it was towards the end of my degree that I was looking into it. So I still had some work to do and the thought of starting another course at the same time was a bit much. So I will forgive myself there. So what I actually said was 'not right now, but probably later'. Time moved on, I found new excuses to replace my old one and it just didn't happen. I let other interests in my life take priority and had pushed my dream to one side.

Recently, 5 years on, I was thinking about it all over again and wondered why I never did sign up to one of those courses. Why hadn't I followed my dream? As I thought about it, I started to get motivated once more, but something didn't sit right. It dawned on me that all along I was focused on NLP but I wasn't sure this was really an area for me. That was Tony Robbin's thing, but was it really mine? He is a Guru of mine, but that doesn't mean I have to be just like him. I felt as though I was searching for a missing piece in my puzzle.

I thought to myself "why NLP? Surely you want to start with the basics!" And that was it! That was my next light bulb moment. I didn't want to be an NLP coach, I wanted to be a coach. NLP may be a great tool to have later, but right now, I just wanted to start with the basics. And the truth was that it was this uncertainty that had side tracked me for so long. So I browsed the courses once more and there it was; DIPLOMA IN PERSONAL PERFORMANCE. Ding! Yes, please!

I spoke to my husband that night and signed up for the course the next day. I took that Giant Leap into my Dreams!

Does this story bring anything to mind that you know you wanted to do, but have been ignoring? Is fear or uncertainty holding you back? If this rings true for you, question why you are not doing it. What REALLY is it that is stopping you from achieving this goal of yours? I'm sure you have many things that you would like to do. And so I will end this post with an exercise for you to follow so that you too can take that giant leap ito YOUR dreams.

Go get em'

Exercise:

1. Take a blank piece of paper and number 1-10.

2. Make a list of all of the things you would love to do, but haven't, yet. Start with the bigger things and follow with the smaller things. An example of a big thing might be BECOME A COACH, whilst a smaller thing might be GET A DOG or even smller might be PLANT A ROSE BUSH.

3. Now go through your list and prioritise the things you have listed. So the thing that you want to do the most is number 1 and the least important becomes number 10.

4. Now you can make a new list titled 'Goals' that puts the items in order. 

5. Take another look through your list and decide which item would be the easiest to achieve. This goal is going to be the first one that you work on. Because, to have the motivation to achieve your bigger goals, you need to experience how good achievement feels and carry that feeling through with you.

6. Write down step by step how you will achieve this easy goal and be specific as to when you will achieve it. Write down when you will achieve the first step and each step after with a target timescale for when you will have completed the goal.

7. Once you have completed your first goal, you can go back to your Goal's list, strike a line through the goal you have achieved and then go to the top of the list and start working on the goal that is most important to you, one step at a time.

Good Luck!

Don't Rain On My Parade

Visualise a parade in a country that looks like the suburbs of Southern India. You're marching down a dusty road. The sun is shining and the sky is a clear baby blue. There are crowds of people. A big brass band is playing. Everyone is swaying side to side. There are Elephants dressed in brightly coloured silk blankets with tassels hanging from all directions. Everyone is happy, joyful, singing and shouting in praise to the music. The faces of the people in the crowd radiate a cheerful glow.

Everyone is having such a great time.  The music fills their souls with contentment and as they dance, they connect with others around them feeling the same way, smiling at one another. Then, splash! What's that? The crowd look above where they see that out of nowhere a grey cloud has moved in overhead.  At first the splashes of rain are light and only small, so the parade continues. But soon they begin to get heavier and more frequent.  The grey cloud turns darker and darker and begins to rumble with the sound of thunder. Flashes of lightening electrify the sky. Everyone starts running away, abandoning the parade and heading for shelter.

This scenario symbolises how our lives can sometimes be. When you are happy and content but others may not be, they can often represent the grey cloud that comes along and takes away your smile.  You may have had some good news or a bright idea or just be feeling happy because it's Friday.  But when you see your friend or your mum or your boyfriend or girlfriend, they soon say something to bring you down and wipe the smile from your face. Or maybe it is not something someone has said, but some bad news that you hear or something that goes wrong.

You're a strong person, so you can take one negative blow. You can take one grey cloud with light rain.  And so you carry on.  But if you become surrounded by too much negative energy, you keep pessimistic company and too many things go wrong, the sky becomes too dark and the rain falls so hard that you can't see ahead. And so you stop trying to enjoy your life. You stop reaching out, because you don't want to feel that sinking feeling that those in the parade felt when the rain got heavy and so, like them, you feel there is no option but to abandon your plans and find somewhere to hide away from the storm.

It's important to remember that rain is only temporary, no matter how heavy and gloomy it becomes. And so too are your troubles. They will pass like the storm. But there are things that you can do in order to help yourself to both avoid and to deal with the negative energy that comes into your life.

Firstly, you need to do is to think about where the negative energy in your life usually comes from. Is there someone who is always putting you down? Does your job make you miserable? If so, what is it about your job that makes you miserable? Do you like where you live? Could you move house and live somewhere nicer? If you manage the situations that are within your control, then you will find that you cope better with those that are out of your control. 

Once you have identified the areas in your life that need to change in order for your happiness to last, it's time to start taking action. Distance yourself from unsupportive people, move jobs or take the necessary steps to changing your career, decide what your priorities are and work towards making your life as you would want it to be. Stop listening to the opinions of others and focus on what is most important to you.

Live your life to its fullest, dance in the sun and don't let anyone rain on your parade!

Let Their Negativity Be Your Determination

Ever had a 'Big Idea' that you've wanted to share with someone? You come along bouncing, all positive and wanting to share your amazing idea and the person you are talking to responds negatively and says something deeply hurtful like "you won't do that" or "you can't do that" or "that's not going to happen!".  It's painful isn't it?!

There is a breed of you out there who choose to live life walking along a path to self-improvement.  You know that you have just one life and you want to make the very most of it.  You know that sometimes you may fail along the way but you are willing to try.  You are always looking to better yourself and you enjoy the journey along the way.

Then there are the others! There is another breed who just don't seem to understand, do they?  They seem to lack the imagination and creativity to consider alternative options to their life.  And they are not very happy when they see others trying to climb higher and be better.  They are not happy because they are living in their comfort zone and they want you too to remain in their comfort zone.  If you choose to do something different and you succeed, then you put everything that they know at risk.  They will have no excuse not to try and better themselves. And they don't want to.

So to try to keep you from leaving 'the comfort zone' this breed of people insult you by making excuses and telling you that what you want to do is not possible.  They do not realise that they are hurting you, they are merely trying to defend the existence that they know and are comfortable with.  I won't say the existence that they love, because most of these people do not love their lives.  They often spend most of their time complaining about their lives, but complain as they may, they are not looking for a way out of it. They are afraid of change.

When faced with this type of scenario you have a choice to make, do you swim or sink, stay or run, fight or flight?  The easy option would be to conform and fit it.  You would join the countless number of people who do nothing to change the things that continuously make them unhappy.  If you join them, then you won't be challenged, you'll keep your ‘not very supportive’ friends and you won't have to face any big hurdles, right? Wrong! If you are of the first breed mentioned, then you do not get a choice.  You are different whether you like it or not.  You could choose to let the negativity of others bring you down and keep you where you are, but you know that this would make you unhappy and you are not someone who is able to just settle with being unhappy for the long term.  At some point you would need to do something about it!

So, what is to be done when faced with a negative that is standing in your way?  Turn it into a positive of course! When people tell you that you cannot do something, you use that very reason to prove to them that you can.  Think of it as an argument and it is necessary for you to take action to prove your point.  Let their disbelief in you, be your belief in yourself.  A time will come down the line when you realise that these people's opinions aren't really that important, but if you let their negativity feed you with determination then you will be grateful that they were so discouraging because without realising, they will have helped you to succeed.

Turn your Hate into Love

I recently saw these words when I attended a local yoga class:

Live to love, love to serve

What beautiful words I thought, but how is that possible?  Are there people that actually manage to do that?  And so I took the thought and those lovely words with me when I left.

There are a lot of cruel people out there.  Some are mean intentionally, but most don't realise they are doing the things they do.  You see most people are talking in monologues.  It's all about them really.  They will ask  questions and take actions based on their own interests. And when they are unhappy with an outcome they project their insecurities onto the person easiest to do so.  

Let me give you an example to make it clearer:

Kate is going about her day.  She meets with a friend Terri for coffee and a chat.  Kate sits quietly listening to Terri talk about the latest things going on, nods in agreement and smiles politely.  Terri has always been open about everything whereas Kate will tell Terri what she needs to know, but not everything.  In the past Terri has always spoke often about her financial situation.  She has a lot of debts.  She talks about her salary, about how much she pays in rent, about everything to do with her finances.  There really isn't much Terri hasn't informed Kate about when it comes to how much or what little money she has.  

Terri has recently got involved with a new man in her life.  This new man is very private when it comes to financial matters. He discloses nothing to Terri about what he has and what he earns and he has made it clear to her that he is not interested in hearing about her situation.  Money is not one of the reasons why they started dating.  So now Terri is suddenly aware that money is something she 'used to' talk about.

Kate asks Terri "How is it going paying off your debts?  Are they nearly cleared now?".   Terri turns to Kate with an unimpressed look on her face and says "You always want to know about money Kate. It's not something you should talk about, some things are private".

Wooooaaaaahhhhh! Kate wonders where that came from.  So what just happened there?  All of a sudden Terri is aware that she talks too much about something her boyfriend thinks she shouldn't.  And she now feels guilty about having talked so much about money because her new boyfriend has made her feel like she did something wrong.

Kate would not normally bring up the topic of money, but she knows that with Terri it is something she often talks about so Terri has created an environment for Kate where it should be OK for Kate to ask such a question.  All Kate is really doing is showing her concern.  But instead, now Kate is feeling bad.  She is feeling bad about discussing a topic she knows outside of her environment with Terri, she would not normally talk about.  So what happened?  Terri feels guilty about the money topic as a result of her new boyfriend's attitude about the matter.  She has then projected her feelings of guilt onto Kate.  Terri feels better for viewing Kate as the problem, only temporarily however, whilst Kate now feels guilty due to Terri's reaction.

In a scenario such as this, and let's be honest, this type of thing happens all the time, everyday with different people on different topics, how do you find the strength to love?  Right now Kate feels a lot of anger towards Terri because she knows this is not right and Terri is in the wrong but she believes Terri cannot see the truth and therefore Kate continues to carry Terri's guilt.

Kate needs to take a step back, take a deep breath and let it go.  She needs to consciously be aware of letting it go.  She needs to take those feelings of anger and  turn them into pity and through pity, into love.  Kate needs to be the bigger person.  She knows she is not in the wrong here.  She needs to go with that intuition and stand tall, and just love.  Love that she is not Terri, love that she can see clearer than Terri, love that Terri is still Terri and Kate does love Terri.

Whether Terri has become toxic in Kate's life is a question that Kate needs to answer and if the answer is 'yes' then she needs to let Terri go.  By letting Terri go, Kate will be showing true love to both herself and Terri, for it serves neither of them any purpose to be in a relationship that is unhealthy.  It is still possible to love a person, even when they are no longer actively in your life.

Living to love, includes loving yourself and doing what is right for yourself.  This may sometimes include eliminating unhealthy friendships.  Toxic people are one of the most common problems that make people miserable.  Keeping these people in your life will likely lead you to hold a lot of hatred and resentment towards that person in your heart.

Once we have taken care of ourselves, we are then able to pass on our love to others and serve their needs.

Live to love, love to serve, turn your hate into love and set yourself free.